After the controversy about refereeing standards during the World Cup, José-Maria Garcia Aranda, the FIFA Manager of the World Cup Referees, stated to a sceptical media that the refereeing performances had been very good and their accuracy rate was 96%.

This percentage is not good enough when a more talented decision-maker whose accuracy rate is 100% is available.

FIFA must now forget about goal line technology, video replays, extra assistants and penalty goals. It must appoint Paul the octopus as the world’s first FIFA Octopus Referee.

Paul has decided correctly all the German results in the tournament. His credibility was on the line when he predicted that Germany would lose to Serbia. There was talk that he would appear on the menu of a Hamburg restaurant for his lack of patriotism but despite the intense pressure, he stuck to his decision and was proved correct. Video replays confirmed that Germany had lost 1-0.

He also predicted that Spain would beat Netherlands in the Final.

Think on the benefits he would have brought to the World Cup.

He could never be accused of having his two hands tied behind his back because he was forced by FIFA to referee in a certain way. He has another six available.

When there was a midfield clash in the Final he would have used two arms to hold Marc Van Bommel, another two to hold back protesting Spanish defender Carles Puyol, two to lift up Xabi Alonso, one to blow his whistle and the remaining one to show the red card to Van Bommel.

He is the ultimate multi-tasker.

Why did no-one think on this before?

There is a drawback, however.

He would not have been able to award England the Frank Lampard goal.

Why?

He was born in England, lives in Germany and so FIFA would not have appointed him to this match.

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